A lot has happened since my last blog post. I have been wanting to write something creative but I just haven't been able to focus on one specific thing. Who needs focus? Why write about just one thing? Screw it. Here's a quick recap of what's been happening around here.
Family:
My mom is engaged! Congratulations! Her and Ken are getting married on Oct. 1st which means that our family is continuing to grow! I am really excited for them and I am excited for the path this will take all of us down and especially for what this means to my mom. Fingers crossed I can lose some baby weight by the time I need to squeeze into a dress! The Army has relocated my brother Steven and his family from Ft. Rucker, Alabama to Ft. Campbell, Tennessee. Although Ft. Campbell is almost exactly the same distance from California as Ft. Rucker, for travel purposes it is much easier to get to which is going to be very nice for all of us. Especially since they are expecting their 3rd baby this August! She (yes, I will have another niece!YAY!) is due on Aug. 7th, only 4 days after my estimated due date.
Vacation:
Brett and I went to Cancun in March and spent 6 days relaxing on the beach. The trip was dual purpose and was a combination vacation/babymoon and a wedding celebration for Nicole and Lou. We were looking forward to this trip and we were not at all disappointed. The weather was perfect and the wedding was beautiful. The wedding was a little bittersweet for me since I was watching my once sister-in-law get remarried but I am extremely happy for them. The uniqueness of our situation and the fact that I was there to witness this union, never one time crossed my mind as being strange or odd or abnormal. Bittersweet, yes. Strange, no. I realize that this was the union of two families that are not technically mine and I'm not sure if other people find it as 'normal' as I do that Brett and I were there to celebrate it with them. BUT to me (and to my family) they are our family, regardless of the details on how it all came about. My brother has been dead for 6 years, Nicole and Lou are in love and Lou is an amazing father to my niece. What more do you need? I couldn't be happier for them and I am thrilled that we were able to be there to celebrate such a happy moment with them.
Work:
Blah! KIDDING. Sort of. Work is crazy. I'm exhausted. I know how lucky I am to have a great job and as crazy and hairy as it is on most days, I enjoy it. I also enjoy my co-workers which makes it so much easier to deal with the ambiguity that so often surrounds me everyday. We are in the middle of our busy time so let's just say that the vacation I mentioned above couldn't have come at a better time. The next 'vacation' I will get from work is when this baby is born!
House Remodel:
Somehow we thought it was a good idea to start remodeling parts of the house in the midst of the pregnancy. Naturally it all started with the need to convert our office into the nursery but instead of cleaning the carpets and slapping some fresh paint on the walls, we decided that we would gut the entire room (floors, baseboards, door trim, window trim, etc) and start fresh. Go big or go home right? Apparently that wasn't quite big enough so we also decided that if we were going to replace the floors and baseboards in the babies room then we should do the same thing in our bedroom and the family room so they all match. Now if you are going to rip out the floors then it would be stupid not to paint while you're at it and if you're going to replace baseboards in 3 of the main areas of the downstairs then you also have to replace the baseboards in the connecting hallway, adjoining bathroom and laundry room. AND if you're going to all that trouble and already have barren rooms, then you might as well do a little upgrading and do all new window and door casings and add a touch of wainscoting right? RIGHT?!? This IS the natural progression of a home remodel right?? Well apparently it is in my house. I just thank goodness that the layout of my house allows for a logical stopping point in the floorplan so the madness ends somewhere and I'm not living in construction dust for the next 2 years! We (just Brett) have started on the babies room and are kicking ass so far. I feel like we (him again) just started and he's almost done! I can't wait to see the finished room and to start on the other rooms! Let's just hope that he can keep up this momentum through the rest of the project! My goal is to have everything 100% complete by June 1st. I do not want to deal with a construction disaster in the middle of a hot summer while 9 months pregnant! No thank you!
Baby:
She is doing great! We had our 20 week ultrasound before we left for Cancun and our 45 minute appointment turned into 2 hours. The tech wasn't able to get all of the necessary measurements because the baby was bouncing off the walls! By the end of the appointment, I had peed at least twice and my back was killing me from lying on the table for so long but we walked away with a ton of new pictures and it felt good to spend so much time watching her move around in there. I had started feeling her move about a week before the appointment and to see her kick and wave so much was awesome. Since then, I can feel her moving almost constantly and I am starting to know when she is most active. I officially look pregnant instead of like I need to cut back on the beer and ice cream, although I should definitely cut back on the ice cream I'm eating, and I've noticed that my once cavernous belly button is filling in and and it might be an outie before I know it. Overall I've only gained about 5lbs which is great but my sudden need to have dessert every night might increase that significantly if I'm not careful. As much as I should tell Brett to stop surprising me with It's It ice cream sandwiches, I just don't think I can do it yet. They're just so damn good!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
We're having a...
...GIRL! We had our appointment at Tate Diagnostic on Saturday and they were able to tell us that a little girl is baking in my belly! We are so excited! Most places won't tell you the gender of your baby until closer to 20 weeks along but if you know me, you know that I can be extremely impatient! I figure that if there are places out there that will let you know at 16 weeks, why should we wait until 20 weeks? Plus, I hadn't had a picture of our little munchkin since I was 11 weeks pregnant and at that point she still looked like a little blob. A LOT has happened in the last 5 weeks! I couldn't imagine waiting until 20 weeks (even though that's only 3 weeks away)! She has turned from a blob with little nubs for arms and legs into a little baby. She is still very small at less than 6 inches and less than one pound but the pictures we saw yesterday actually look like a little baby! Here is a picture of our little girl :)
It looks like she is trying to suck her thumb but she is actually moving her hands up near her head. At one point she had both arms up and it looked like she was holding her head. My guess is that she is already fed up with us and is covering her ears saying "What have I gotten myself in to?!?"
It looks like she is trying to suck her thumb but she is actually moving her hands up near her head. At one point she had both arms up and it looked like she was holding her head. My guess is that she is already fed up with us and is covering her ears saying "What have I gotten myself in to?!?"
Saturday, February 12, 2011
And baby makes three...
We've done it. We have officially made a baby! Well technically we made the baby months ago but I'll spare you those details. The exciting news is that on November 27th we found out that we are going to have a baby!!!! This wasn't a huge surprise since we had stopped taking birth control a few months earlier but I truly thought it was going to take much longer than it did. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy that it didn't and I know how lucky we are that we were able to get pregnant as fast as we did.
Here's a quick recap of how we found out:
Aunt Flo (aka that time of the month) was due to arrive on Thanksgiving and since we had a house full of family and we spent the day cooking, entertaining and enjoying ourselves, I didn't think much when she didn't show up. I also didn't think much about it when she didn't show up the next day either. I was cramping and feeling like I would be riding the crimson wave at any moment. On Saturday, November 27th, Brett and I slept in, made breakfast and took a lazy approach to our Saturday chores. My goal was to finish cleaning the house from Thanksgiving, put away the fall decorations, pull out the Christmas decoration and put up our Christmas tree. In the early afternoon Brett decided he wanted to take his truck to Les Schwab to have the tires rotated so I followed him there in my car. He made a few jokes through the morning about how he thought I was pregnant but I kept telling him that Big Red was going to rain on his parade any second. On the way back from Les Schwab he suggested that I should take a pregnancy test and I nonchalantly shrugged it off. When we got home I went straight to the bathroom and peed on a stick! I put the test on the counter behind the box so one of us (me) couldn't 'accidentally' see the result before the other one. Brett came into the house a while later and I told him that I had taken the test and asked him if he was ready to find out if we were going to be parents. We walked to the bathroom and grabbed the test. Two pink lines = PREGNANT! According to our timeline this was a 30th birthday present to me! The rest of the day (and weekend) was spent in a state of excitement and shock. It seemed completely surreal and on most days, it still does.
Since then we have been to three doctors appointments. The first one was at about 9 weeks along and we were able to see a picture of our little blob on an ultrasound machine and listen to the heartbeat. Our second appointment was at around 11 weeks and we were able to see that our little blob had grown arms and legs and was waving its little nubs around. Watching the baby move was pretty amazing and I can't wait to see it again! Our third appointment was on Feb. 11th and knowing I wasn't scheduled for an ultrasound, I was prepared to beg (or cry if necessary) my way into seeing our baby. I arrived for the appointment and checked in with the nurse. I was told that for this particular appointment there wasn't a co-pay and I had a seat to wait my turn. I thought it was a little strange that I didn't have to pay but I wasn't going to complain. Once I got in the room I realized why I didn't have to pay. The appointment lasted a total of about 10 minutes. I can sum up the appointment pretty easily; 3 minutes were spent chatting, 3 minutes I was waiting for the Nurse Practitioner, 3 minutes were spent searching (yes, searching) for the babies heartbeat and the last 1 minute was spent by the NP reassuring me that everything was okay. Apparently we have a wiggle worm on our hands! Now I don't know if it took exactly 3 minutes to find a heartbeat but it seemed like it took FOREVER. The nurse lubed up the magic wand, stuck it on my stomach and started moving it around. Nothing. She moved it again. Nothing. She pushed harder. Nothing. She went lower on my stomach. Nothing. Now since I didn't have a monitor to look at during this process and I was only hearing static on what appeared to be the 1980's CB radio they were using to find my missing child, I could only stare at the nurses blank face. After she moved the wand around for quite a while she finally started to reassure me that things were fine and that the baby was still pretty little and could be hiding in there. Hiding in there? Really? Do they suddenly decide to jump the uterine ship and camp out in my butt cheek? HIDE? Come on. So the nurse kept looking and went a little lower and pressed a little harder and there it was, the sound of the babies heartbeat. Apparently this kid likes to play games because as soon as we heard it, it was gone again. So the NP moved the wand, found that beautiful sound and determined that there was a solid heartbeat in the normal range. And then it was gone. Every time the NP pressed down, the kid would move out of the way. This avocado sized jumping bean of a baby is officially on its first time out.
I am currently 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant and we are due August 3rd. I have experienced very little morning sickness, minimal fatigue and overall I feel pretty good! My normal clothes still fit and I haven't gained any weight up to this point. My lower stomach has finally started to pop out a little and when I lie flat on my stomach, it feels like there is a hard ball in there. Like I said, overall I feel pretty good and I can't complain at all! Ask me again in July when I'm 9 months pregnant in 105 degrees and I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune so I'll enjoy this while it lasts!
Here's a quick recap of how we found out:
Aunt Flo (aka that time of the month) was due to arrive on Thanksgiving and since we had a house full of family and we spent the day cooking, entertaining and enjoying ourselves, I didn't think much when she didn't show up. I also didn't think much about it when she didn't show up the next day either. I was cramping and feeling like I would be riding the crimson wave at any moment. On Saturday, November 27th, Brett and I slept in, made breakfast and took a lazy approach to our Saturday chores. My goal was to finish cleaning the house from Thanksgiving, put away the fall decorations, pull out the Christmas decoration and put up our Christmas tree. In the early afternoon Brett decided he wanted to take his truck to Les Schwab to have the tires rotated so I followed him there in my car. He made a few jokes through the morning about how he thought I was pregnant but I kept telling him that Big Red was going to rain on his parade any second. On the way back from Les Schwab he suggested that I should take a pregnancy test and I nonchalantly shrugged it off. When we got home I went straight to the bathroom and peed on a stick! I put the test on the counter behind the box so one of us (me) couldn't 'accidentally' see the result before the other one. Brett came into the house a while later and I told him that I had taken the test and asked him if he was ready to find out if we were going to be parents. We walked to the bathroom and grabbed the test. Two pink lines = PREGNANT! According to our timeline this was a 30th birthday present to me! The rest of the day (and weekend) was spent in a state of excitement and shock. It seemed completely surreal and on most days, it still does.
Since then we have been to three doctors appointments. The first one was at about 9 weeks along and we were able to see a picture of our little blob on an ultrasound machine and listen to the heartbeat. Our second appointment was at around 11 weeks and we were able to see that our little blob had grown arms and legs and was waving its little nubs around. Watching the baby move was pretty amazing and I can't wait to see it again! Our third appointment was on Feb. 11th and knowing I wasn't scheduled for an ultrasound, I was prepared to beg (or cry if necessary) my way into seeing our baby. I arrived for the appointment and checked in with the nurse. I was told that for this particular appointment there wasn't a co-pay and I had a seat to wait my turn. I thought it was a little strange that I didn't have to pay but I wasn't going to complain. Once I got in the room I realized why I didn't have to pay. The appointment lasted a total of about 10 minutes. I can sum up the appointment pretty easily; 3 minutes were spent chatting, 3 minutes I was waiting for the Nurse Practitioner, 3 minutes were spent searching (yes, searching) for the babies heartbeat and the last 1 minute was spent by the NP reassuring me that everything was okay. Apparently we have a wiggle worm on our hands! Now I don't know if it took exactly 3 minutes to find a heartbeat but it seemed like it took FOREVER. The nurse lubed up the magic wand, stuck it on my stomach and started moving it around. Nothing. She moved it again. Nothing. She pushed harder. Nothing. She went lower on my stomach. Nothing. Now since I didn't have a monitor to look at during this process and I was only hearing static on what appeared to be the 1980's CB radio they were using to find my missing child, I could only stare at the nurses blank face. After she moved the wand around for quite a while she finally started to reassure me that things were fine and that the baby was still pretty little and could be hiding in there. Hiding in there? Really? Do they suddenly decide to jump the uterine ship and camp out in my butt cheek? HIDE? Come on. So the nurse kept looking and went a little lower and pressed a little harder and there it was, the sound of the babies heartbeat. Apparently this kid likes to play games because as soon as we heard it, it was gone again. So the NP moved the wand, found that beautiful sound and determined that there was a solid heartbeat in the normal range. And then it was gone. Every time the NP pressed down, the kid would move out of the way. This avocado sized jumping bean of a baby is officially on its first time out.
I am currently 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant and we are due August 3rd. I have experienced very little morning sickness, minimal fatigue and overall I feel pretty good! My normal clothes still fit and I haven't gained any weight up to this point. My lower stomach has finally started to pop out a little and when I lie flat on my stomach, it feels like there is a hard ball in there. Like I said, overall I feel pretty good and I can't complain at all! Ask me again in July when I'm 9 months pregnant in 105 degrees and I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune so I'll enjoy this while it lasts!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Donate Life
In the past few weeks I have come to realize how important the gift of donation is. Up until recently I never knew anyone who had received or needed an organ donation and honestly, I never gave it much thought.
When my brother died I remember how upset my mom was when she received the call about donating my brothers tissue and organs. We hadn't even had the chance to digest what the police had told us about his accident let alone to think about what, if anything, could be donated from his body. It all felt like such a fog that if you had asked me what the result of that donation phone call was, I would have only been able to tell you that I think we said yes but I didn't know what the conclusion was. My mom wasn't upset about the thought of donation but that the question had to be asked and that a decision had to be made immediately. My brother never registered to be a donor but I am positive that if he had known what his fate was going to be, he would have chosen to save someone's life. What I didn't know six years ago was that in order for an organ to be eligible for transplant, blood and oxygen must flow until the time of recovery. My brother died inside of a car as emergency crews used the jaws of life to get him out. Because of that the majority of his organs were unusable. There are large portions of my life that blurred together at that point and I don't think I ever gave that donation call another thought.
When I went to visit my girlfriend last week, she told me about everything she went through with her surgery and I realized what a miracle the process of donation really is. She would not be here today if her donor (or their family) had not made the decision to become an organ donor. She doesn't know who her donor was or how she died but she is extremely grateful to them for making the choice they did. There are a lot of misconceptions about donation and fears about what the process of recovering the organs looks like. Will they try to save my life first? Will I wake up while they are taking them out!?! Stop watching the Sci-Fi shows and do some research, it's not as bad as you might think. After my visit, I called my mom and asked her what had happened with my brothers organs. Since he had already died the only things that could be donated were his heart valves and his corneas. His heart valves most likely went to help an infant and in some weird way that makes me feel really good. Knowing what I know now, I have registered to become a donor.
If you want to find out more information about becoming an organ or tissue donor or if you want to register in your state, visit www.donatelife.net. There are many types of donations available, including living donations!
When my brother died I remember how upset my mom was when she received the call about donating my brothers tissue and organs. We hadn't even had the chance to digest what the police had told us about his accident let alone to think about what, if anything, could be donated from his body. It all felt like such a fog that if you had asked me what the result of that donation phone call was, I would have only been able to tell you that I think we said yes but I didn't know what the conclusion was. My mom wasn't upset about the thought of donation but that the question had to be asked and that a decision had to be made immediately. My brother never registered to be a donor but I am positive that if he had known what his fate was going to be, he would have chosen to save someone's life. What I didn't know six years ago was that in order for an organ to be eligible for transplant, blood and oxygen must flow until the time of recovery. My brother died inside of a car as emergency crews used the jaws of life to get him out. Because of that the majority of his organs were unusable. There are large portions of my life that blurred together at that point and I don't think I ever gave that donation call another thought.
When I went to visit my girlfriend last week, she told me about everything she went through with her surgery and I realized what a miracle the process of donation really is. She would not be here today if her donor (or their family) had not made the decision to become an organ donor. She doesn't know who her donor was or how she died but she is extremely grateful to them for making the choice they did. There are a lot of misconceptions about donation and fears about what the process of recovering the organs looks like. Will they try to save my life first? Will I wake up while they are taking them out!?! Stop watching the Sci-Fi shows and do some research, it's not as bad as you might think. After my visit, I called my mom and asked her what had happened with my brothers organs. Since he had already died the only things that could be donated were his heart valves and his corneas. His heart valves most likely went to help an infant and in some weird way that makes me feel really good. Knowing what I know now, I have registered to become a donor.
If you want to find out more information about becoming an organ or tissue donor or if you want to register in your state, visit www.donatelife.net. There are many types of donations available, including living donations!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New year, new goals
Let me start by wishing all of you a very, very happy new year!!! I can not wait to see what 2011 has in store for all of us. Don't get me wrong, 2010 was a pretty good year and overall I don't really have any complaints but I'm pretty sure 2011 is going to be excellent!! With the new year comes new goals and new resolutions. I'm not a big fan of new year resolutions, partly because I feel that if there is something you want to change or something new you want to try, just do it, why wait for a new year? Most resolutions are things like lose weight, exercise more, eat better, quit smoking, drink less, save money, etc. If any of you have been to the gym since January 1st, I guarantee that the fitness classes are packed, treadmills are full and you have to jump into a rotation for the weights. Wait a few weeks and you should have your gym back. On the flipside, I know a lot of people that set resolutions and actually stick to them. I encourage everyone to do something that improves their health, happiness or overall well being, even if it is just for a few months. It can't hurt right?
Speaking of health, happiness and well being, I found out some wonderful news today. A friend that has been sick since late November is officially on the road to recovery. After a fluke illness that caused severe liver damage, she was able to receive a transplant today and is officially healing. I don't want to share to much information since it is not mine to share but I just want to say WOOHOOOOO!!!
This is a belated picture from the day we cut down the Christmas Tree I mentioned in my last post.
Speaking of health, happiness and well being, I found out some wonderful news today. A friend that has been sick since late November is officially on the road to recovery. After a fluke illness that caused severe liver damage, she was able to receive a transplant today and is officially healing. I don't want to share to much information since it is not mine to share but I just want to say WOOHOOOOO!!!
This is a belated picture from the day we cut down the Christmas Tree I mentioned in my last post.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
They're heeeeere
The Holidays are officially here. Halloween was a blast, my birthday was one I will never forget and Thanksgiving at our house was a success! Thanksgiving dinner was delicious and thank you to everyone that spent the day with us. I had the entire week of Thanksgiving off from work and I can't believe I already have to go back tomorrow! The day after Thanksgiving we always spend the day with Brett's parents. Our first stop was Old Town Grill in Placerville for some lunch and then off to the Christmas tree farms to chop down the perfect tree. We ended the night with a few cocktails and chinese food with his parents before heading home. We took both of our dogs with us and besides a few mud puddles and leaving a water dish at one of the tree farms, we all did pretty well. On Saturday Brett and I took out all of our plastic bins of Christmas decorations and lights and spent the day sifting through everything. Every year I forget how much stuff we actually have and how much I love the way my house looks when it is decorated for Christmas! Saturday also brought an inspiration for a new blog post that I really think you will enjoy. It is going to take me some time to gather all of my info and finish it the way it needs to be written so stay tuned for me to send it out it in a few weeks.
My goal this year is to do all of my Christmas shopping online. I'm not sure how attainable this will be but I'm going for it. I hate shopping in general but especially during the holidays. People in malls seem extra obnoxious during the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I want to avoid as many crazies as possible. The holidays also bring different emotions for me and although I enjoy the season, it also reminds me of how much my life has changed over the years. Most of the changes have been for the better but others I would give anything to put back the way they used to be. The holidays remind me of my brothers and how I wish they were both here to enjoy them with the rest of the family. It also reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with Greg, it wasn't the best Christmas we spent together but it is one I wish we could have again.
I am back in the office on Monday and travel the rest of the week. Brett and I are taking a vacation (finally!) the following week and we'll be spending a few days in an ocean front hotel in Pacific Beach watching the waves roll in and relaxing! Christmas will be here and gone before we know it and 2011 will be on us. It feels like we just finished the holidays from last year!!
My goal this year is to do all of my Christmas shopping online. I'm not sure how attainable this will be but I'm going for it. I hate shopping in general but especially during the holidays. People in malls seem extra obnoxious during the few weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I want to avoid as many crazies as possible. The holidays also bring different emotions for me and although I enjoy the season, it also reminds me of how much my life has changed over the years. Most of the changes have been for the better but others I would give anything to put back the way they used to be. The holidays remind me of my brothers and how I wish they were both here to enjoy them with the rest of the family. It also reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with Greg, it wasn't the best Christmas we spent together but it is one I wish we could have again.
I am back in the office on Monday and travel the rest of the week. Brett and I are taking a vacation (finally!) the following week and we'll be spending a few days in an ocean front hotel in Pacific Beach watching the waves roll in and relaxing! Christmas will be here and gone before we know it and 2011 will be on us. It feels like we just finished the holidays from last year!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Where's the park?
Simple enough question right? Simple enough if a child asks you, or a family out for a bike ride, or a guy with his dog and a ball. But what if you are asked by a man with torn up jeans, worn out shoes and layers of filthy sweaters on his back? I was out taking my dogs for a walk tonight and as we rounded the corner between country pastures and suburbia I ran into this man.
I generally feel pretty safe while walking my dogs in my neighborhood. I never go after dark, keep my eyes peeled for anything strange, turn my iPod on low enough so that I can still hear what is going on around me. When the weather is nice there are always kids out playing, people washing their cars or mowing their lawns. Houses are kept up and the neighborhood is pleasant. I would also like to think that the almost 200 pounds of dog that I have with me would detour most ill-wishers.
I responded to the man's question with "Which park are you looking for?" "Any park." was his response. Any park. Now why is he looking for just any park? What is he planning to do in that park? Sleep for the night? Smoke whatever he had stuffed inside the crinkled up rolling paper in his left hand? Kidnap a child? Gaze at the sunset? I couldn't be sure what he wanted in the park so I pointed down the street and said "If you keep walking that way, you'll run into a park". He thanked me and as I turned to walk in the opposite direction, he stopped and smiled and said "You have beautiful dogs". I thanked him and kept walking. I didn't point him in the direction of the park. In fact, I sent him in the furthest direction from the park.
What did this man do to me that I was allowed to judge him by his ratty clothes? I'm pretty sure his day was shittier than mine yet I sent him in the wrong direction and watched him shuffle across the street in his already worn out shoes. Maybe he was supposed to meet someone at the park who was going to give him a place to stay for the night. Maybe he was going to meet his grandkids to play in the park before it got dark. Maybe he was just a normal guy whose washing machine broke and whose dog ate his new Air Jordan's. But maybe, just maybe, he was a child molester. Part of me feels really bad for sending that guy on a journey to nowhere but part of me feels like I did the right thing. What would you have done?
When I got home I received a call from a friend with some surprising news. She found out from an old co-worker that someone we used to spend a lot of time with (back in my other life but I'll save that for a different post) had passed away. He didn't just pass, in fact this coming January will be 2 years. We hadn't seen him in quite a few years but we have talked about him in a general "Have you heard from him" or "What's he up to these days" kind of way. We never found the answers to those questions but never in a million years did it cross our minds that he was dead. We don't know much about what happened but it sounds like he made some bad choices and his life took a turn for the worst. How does that happen? I guess I know how it happens, I've seen it happen first hand with people that I love. But, why does it have to happen? What happened to him that changed the fun, happy guy we once knew into a guy that has now been dead for almost 2 years? What happened to the guy I saw wandering the streets of my neighborhood tonight? What happened to that guy to make him wear clothes that looked like he hadn't washed them in weeks? Did his dog really eat his Air Jordan's? I'm guessing not. In another life I bet he had clean clothes, a house to live in, and maybe a couple of dogs of his own. I know our friend had a better life. So why does this happen?
I generally feel pretty safe while walking my dogs in my neighborhood. I never go after dark, keep my eyes peeled for anything strange, turn my iPod on low enough so that I can still hear what is going on around me. When the weather is nice there are always kids out playing, people washing their cars or mowing their lawns. Houses are kept up and the neighborhood is pleasant. I would also like to think that the almost 200 pounds of dog that I have with me would detour most ill-wishers.
I responded to the man's question with "Which park are you looking for?" "Any park." was his response. Any park. Now why is he looking for just any park? What is he planning to do in that park? Sleep for the night? Smoke whatever he had stuffed inside the crinkled up rolling paper in his left hand? Kidnap a child? Gaze at the sunset? I couldn't be sure what he wanted in the park so I pointed down the street and said "If you keep walking that way, you'll run into a park". He thanked me and as I turned to walk in the opposite direction, he stopped and smiled and said "You have beautiful dogs". I thanked him and kept walking. I didn't point him in the direction of the park. In fact, I sent him in the furthest direction from the park.
What did this man do to me that I was allowed to judge him by his ratty clothes? I'm pretty sure his day was shittier than mine yet I sent him in the wrong direction and watched him shuffle across the street in his already worn out shoes. Maybe he was supposed to meet someone at the park who was going to give him a place to stay for the night. Maybe he was going to meet his grandkids to play in the park before it got dark. Maybe he was just a normal guy whose washing machine broke and whose dog ate his new Air Jordan's. But maybe, just maybe, he was a child molester. Part of me feels really bad for sending that guy on a journey to nowhere but part of me feels like I did the right thing. What would you have done?
When I got home I received a call from a friend with some surprising news. She found out from an old co-worker that someone we used to spend a lot of time with (back in my other life but I'll save that for a different post) had passed away. He didn't just pass, in fact this coming January will be 2 years. We hadn't seen him in quite a few years but we have talked about him in a general "Have you heard from him" or "What's he up to these days" kind of way. We never found the answers to those questions but never in a million years did it cross our minds that he was dead. We don't know much about what happened but it sounds like he made some bad choices and his life took a turn for the worst. How does that happen? I guess I know how it happens, I've seen it happen first hand with people that I love. But, why does it have to happen? What happened to him that changed the fun, happy guy we once knew into a guy that has now been dead for almost 2 years? What happened to the guy I saw wandering the streets of my neighborhood tonight? What happened to that guy to make him wear clothes that looked like he hadn't washed them in weeks? Did his dog really eat his Air Jordan's? I'm guessing not. In another life I bet he had clean clothes, a house to live in, and maybe a couple of dogs of his own. I know our friend had a better life. So why does this happen?
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